He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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