can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
