I just pynch a tree in the face
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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