do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize