apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
