Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
