You made me cry and you don't even care
only if we run a train.
done.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
