great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
