so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
