Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
