Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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