tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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