I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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