We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize