I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
