you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
