what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
