WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
