You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize