Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
