and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
