i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
