We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
