You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
worst night to have a conscience
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
