I've blown a few things in my day
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The air was thick with penises
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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