Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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