he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I believe in your delicious
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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