My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
