i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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