I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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