Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
