Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
