Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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