the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
