I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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