Me. At least after what I've been through.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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