he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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