hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
