doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
