I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
