Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
