apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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