Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize