Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
