We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
