Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
