I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
