You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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