I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
