you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
