Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
