I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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