I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
