Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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