i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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