I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
