After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
