Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I deserve this hangover.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
