you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
