you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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