I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
